My P&G Story #17: When I wasn’t promoted

My P&G Story #17: When I wasn’t promoted

Desi Jagger's Blog

My P&G Story #17: When I wasn’t promoted

A few of my peers, including my close friend, got promoted before me.

This caused a confusing bundle of emotions within me. I had performed really well since joining the company and I was ready for the next step. I was surprised I hadn’t been told there were opportunities for promotion. I felt let down by my manager – wasn’t she supposed to fight for me? I felt like a failure. I withdrew into myself, afraid to share my ambitions. To be honest, over the previous few months I hadn’t enjoyed my job and I hadn’t given my best. Yet I still felt I deserved recognition.

This internal conflict continued to simmer until, years later, I found a simple framework that helped me to make sense of my experience and learn from it. Mike Lehr separates out feelings, emotions and intuition:

  • feelings are the sensations that arise from a particular event
  • these feelings form emotions which move us to do, say or think things (e-motion)
  • intuition is the interpretation of these emotions and gives us insights about the situation, other people and ourselves

Intuition is our internal voice of truth. It guides us in the right direction and is especially helpful in situations where data isn’t available and logical reasoning doesn’t work. Intuition helps us to clarify where we stand on a particular issue. In order to connect to our intuition, we need to separate out the loud, confusing voices of our feelings and step back from our emotional reactions. From this clear space, we can ask ourselves: “What does this emotion say about me? About my relationship with this person? About this situation?” The answers can help us learn and move forward.

 

I wanted closure on the promotion situation, so I decided to apply the framework:

 

The event

A few of my peers, my very good friend included, got promoted before me.

 

My feelings

What sensations arose from this event?

I was really happy and proud for my friend, she was passionate and brilliant at her job and she deserved this promotion.

I was resentful and angry with my manager. Why hadn’t she rooting for me after giving me positive feedback all year? Wasn’t it her responsibility to develop and promote her team?

I was disappointed with myself for not achieving my best, for not being first. I began to doubt my capability and intelligence – my perfect track record of straight A’s and awards had been broken.

 

My emotions

How did these feelings move me to think and behave?

I congratulated my friend and was there for her during this exciting journey (happiness, pride).

I confronted my manager and pointed out she had bypassed an opportunity that she knew was important to me (anger). I secretly blamed her for not fighting enough for me (resentment).

I withdrew into myself (doubt) and stepped away from the cheerful, overly optimistic extrovert I had always been. I vowed to stop investing all my energy into this company which clearly didn’t value me (disappointment).

 

My intuition

What were my emotions telling me about my relationship with my friend?

I knew, deep down, that my friend wasn’t just brilliant at her job. She had also worked harder than me. Perhaps even more importantly, she had embraced a much better attitude than me – she had stayed positive and hadn’t complained as much. I knew I didn’t deserve the promotion as much as she did in this particular moment (a year before, yes, but not then). She had always supported. My intuition told me our friendship was worth it. My intuition was right – we have been close friends to this day.

What were my emotions telling me about my relationship with my manager?

Whilst I liked her very much on a personal level, there was something off about her as a manager. This event brought to mind many other small incidents where she had let me down. She had not stood up for me when others had criticized my work – even when she knew I was right. She had not given me credit for my big ideas. She had tried to keep me in a role that bored me. My intuition told me I should fight for myself and not count on her. My intuition was right – she added no value to my career for the whole time we worked together, or afterwards. I ignored this intuition for a long time and continued to rely on her. I kept getting disappointed.

What were my emotions telling me about my relationship with the company?

I was bored of doing the same kind of work. I was tired of rewriting strategy documents with ideas that would never see the light of day. For the first time in my life, I was actively trying to curb my effort instead of giving my all. I wanted to be promoted for the title, for the checkbox, for the prestige. I didn’t care about the work I would be doing once promoted – there was no job within the company that excited me. I felt indignant – I just wanted the company to recognize me for my past achievements and I was waiting for that before I make any more effort. My intuition was telling me that this wasn’t the right place for me (whether it was the company or the job, I wasn’t sure). This wasn’t the first time this message was showing up. Neither was it the last time I ignored it. My intuition was right. I continued to struggle until I left the company, the job and the industry.

In retrospect

Connecting to my intuition, albeit years later, gave me a sense of clarity and peace. And whilst I have not always been brave enough to follow my intuition, reflecting on it encourages me to trust it more next time.

 

Give it a try

It takes practice to learn how to connect with your intuition without confusing it with your emotions. Give it a try right now:

Event: What situation are you stuck in?

Feelings: What sensations are arising?

Emotions: What are these feelings making you think and do?

Intuition: What are these emotions teaching you about your relationships, the situation or yourself?

 

Get unstuck by connecting with your intuition. What emerges when you strip out the feelings and emotional reactions?

 

Not sure how to connect to your intuition (vs emotions)? Coaching helps you de-clutter your mind, strip out emotions and connect to what is true for you, deep down. Follow your intuition and book your free consultation now.

 

 

Photo by Jeremy Bishop

Why I miss having a manager

Why I miss having a manager

Desi Jagger's Blog

Why I Miss Having a Manager

I have had a wide range of managers – from the inspiring rock star “I want to be you some day” to the demoralizing ogre “I’d rather run into the woods than to report to you”. The latter, combined with my strong value for freedom, made me ask myself:

“What if I was my own boss?”

Well, now I work as a freelance coach and trainer and I am my own boss. I can do pretty much whatever I like, whenever I like and most importantly, if I like. I get to be “right” all the time. My idea is always the one that “wins”. And that’s precisely what is so hard about being a solopreneur. Having a manager is one of the things I miss about my corporate job at P&G. Here’s why:

I miss having my thinking challenged.

At P&G, I would spend hours crafting 1-pagers (I use the official term, although we all know these were either 2 pages or font six) for my ideas. Despite the diligent details, a barrage of questions inevitably followed:

“Have you considered the latest competitor launch? Did you get input from the sales team? How about looking at this another way….?”

It’s natural to resent having to justify every point during such “interrogations”. Not to mention the ensuing load of re-work that would delay the project and slowly eat away at my passion.

Now that I am my own manager, there is no one to “interrogate” me and I actually miss it. Challenging my thinking drives me to take my ideas to the next level. It bulletproofs my plans before I spend months executing them – and in a way, saves me from avoidable disappointments. It helps me to position my ideas to appeal to a wider audience, including those who don’t share my perspective. Sure, it’s slower, but the tortoise eventually beats the hare.

I miss being forced to face reality, right now.

One of the most tedious things about working in a hierarchical organization was updating my manager about project status. No amount of creativity on my colorful scorecards could stop this from feeling like a repetition of facts that took time away from real work.

Now that I have no one to update, I also have no one to discuss my challenges with. I can choose to avoid a problem for months, reassuring myself that it’s not a priority or it’s not that bad. But this doesn’t make it disappear. Instead, I keep mulling it over and I feel guilty for doing nothing about it. In moments like this, I wish I had a manager who I had to report my challenge to. Simply vocalizing the problem gives it parameters, makes it more concrete and less scary – and the solution often flows out of this clarity.

I miss getting external recognition

 Having a manager wasn’t just about being criticized or driven to improve. It was also about being recognized for my progress. Having someone by my side meant they could appreciate my struggles and be the first to say “well done, I know that wasn’t easy”. (Of course, getting compliments from a bad manger is rare, but not as rare as compliments from a non-existent one).

Now I have no manager and no one to cheer me on. And whilst I can appreciate my own efforts, I still crave external recognition, a signal that my work is meaningful to others, not just to me.

I miss the pressure of “artificial” deadlines

It frustrated me when my manager asked for a full market analysis by tomorrow – just because he wanted to “check something” on a whim. I could not understand why my slides had to be printed two weeks before the presentation or why new TV adverts always had to start airing on the 1st of the month.

Where did these deadlines come from? And what would happen if I didn’t meet them?

I didn’t miss many deadlines (yes, I was a goody two shoes), so I don’t know. But what I do know, is that without these small artificial deadlines, projects now seem eternal and it’s really hard to gauge how far along I’ve come. This can be disheartening and disorientating, and it often means they take twice as long as they should.

“Being managed” has developed a negative connotation recently, especially amongst millennials. If you need or want to be managed, then there must be something wrong with you – you are not down with the new “independent age”. I invite you to flip this perspective:

How can you leverage your manager to help you achieve things you are afraid to dream of today?

Need help with your manager? Coaching can help you rebuild and get the most out of this important relationship. To find out how, book your free consultation now.

Photo credit: Thomas Shahan