How to Choose a Coaching Topic

How to Choose a Coaching Topic

14 Nov, 2024

Preparation is important

It is important to come to each 1on1 coaching session with a specific topic in mind. This helps us to dive straight into the heart of the matter, making the session more focused and effective.

The session topic should be aligned with the coaching objectives we set at the start of the coaching journey.

Please do not come to the coaching session and ask your coach “What should I talk about?” You are resposnible for setting the topic and your coach is responsible for bringing the right tools and exercises to help you move forward.

If you are unsure what topic you want to talk about, do this:

  1. Review your Coaching Objectives document. Which of the goals is priority right now? Which part of the objective would you like to focus on during this session?
  2. Reflect on the topic we explored in the previous session. What progress have you made and what still needs to be worked on?

What makes a great coaching topic?

Within your sphere of control

Your topic needs to be something internal, a mental barrier a personal challenge. It should not be about external factors or making other people change.

Bad example: How can I make my team to take ownership for their work?

Better example: How can I empower my team to take ownership? What do I need to change within my mindset and attitude?

It is meaningful

Your coaching topic needs to be worth spending an hour on. Ask yourself:

  • What could I gain if I address this topic?
  • What might I lose if I ignore this topic?

If the answer is “not much,” then I sugest you think of something that matters more to you and your vision.

 

Not about functional or technical skills

On-the-job coaching that you might receive from your manager or peers is likely to focus on functional or technical skills, such as planning advertising campaigns or building financial models on excel.

Professional coaching from an independent coach focuses on your mindset and soft skills, such as how to manage your emotions at work or how to overcome the fear of delegating.

 

It doesn’t have to be about a problem

Your coaching topic can be brainstorming opportunities or turning something good into great. It doesn’t have to be about resolving a difficult problem.

 

Achievable within the length of the session

Clients sometimes come into a 60min coaching session and want “to improve their leadership style.” Needless to say, this is unrealistic. Whilst this topic is meaningful, it needs to be broken down intol smaller sub-topics.

Here are 2 ways to do this:

  1. Break your topic into 5-10 subtopics. Which one is the most important and urgent one to address right now?
  2. Play around with the action verb – ex. “to become aware of my leadership style” / “to brainstorm what kind of leader I want to become” / “to explore different leadership styles”

 

EXAMPLES

Here are some real-life examples of good coaching topics:

 

“I am overly focused on the negative. I take the positive for granted.”

“I want to work on my fear of having difficult conversations.”

“How should I go about deciding whether or not to take this job offer?”

The Mind-Body-Soul exercise

The Mind-Body-Soul exercise

9 Oct, 2024

Multiple intelligences

We have multiple intelligences in our body. The mind has the largest number of neurons, followed by the gut and then the heart.

Each of these sources of intelligence provides different kinds of information and insights to us when we are trying to make a decision or assess a situation. There is a tendency to over-rely on our mind,  especially if we are working in a corporate environment where we feel we need to be highly professional and rely more on logic than intuition and feelings.

The mind is the center of creativity, problem-solving and rational thought. The gut is the seat of our intuition and the center of courage. You may have heard the expression, “He doesn’t have the guts to do it,” referring to the gut being linked to having the courage to take bold action and move forward. The heart is the center of feelings and values and holds that which is most important for us.

 

The importance of alignment

When we combine the intelligence of the mind, the gut, and the heart, we are able to make more holistic decisions. When we are aligned in our mind, gut, and heart, we’re able to move forward with peace of mind and feel more certain about our decision and our choice. On the other hand, when our multiple intelligences are not aligned, we experience increased stress and constant back-and-forth, second-guessing our decision and not finding peace within.

What is the Mind-Body-Soul exercise?

The mind-body-soul exercise is a quick 3-minute exercise that helps you tap into the different intelligences inside your body. This exercise is particularly helpful when you are trying to make a difficult or complex decision, especially where a simple pros and cons list has not been effective.

How to do the Mind-Body-Soul exercise

Sit down in a quiet space. Sit comfortably with your back straight and take a few deep breaths. When you feel calm and balanced:

1. Connect with your mind. Ask your mind: “Mind, what do I need to know about this topic?” Wait for 15 to 30 seconds and then take a deep breath and let go of your mind. Imagine that there is a dimmer switch on the light of your mind, and you are now turning down that dimmer switch until it is almost off, allowing the mind to rest for a while.

 2. Connect with your gut. You can put your hand on your gut if you feel comfortable. Ask it, “Gut, what do I need to know about this topic?” Wait for 15 to 30 seconds and then let go of your gut.

3. Connect with your heart. You can put your hand on your heart if you feel comfortable. Ask it, “Heart, what do I need to know about this topic?” Wait for 15 to 30 seconds and then let go of your heart.

Take a deep breath. Thank your mind, your gut, and your heart for their wisdom. Open your eyes. Make a note of your experience and any key messages that came through your mind, your gut, and your heart. Don’t make assessments or judge just yet. Allow yourself a little bit of time to digest the information.

Now, as a whole individual, look at the insights provided by each of the intelligences and ask yourself:

  • Are my mind, gut, and heart in agreement on this topic?
  • What are the misalignments?
  • What conversations do my mind, gut, and heart need to have in order to reconcile their differences and align on the way forward?

Best practices

  • Ask open-ended questions, such as:
    • What do I need to know about this topic?
    • What is important for me to know here?
    • What light can you shed on this?
    • What would be a good way to move forward?
  • Avoid asking  ‘yes or no’ questions. The objective of this exercise is to gain insight rather than to make a decision on the spot. You can make the decision once you have reviewed all of the information holistically.
  • Keep it short. Don’t spend more than 15 to 30 seconds on each intelligence; otherwise, what tends to happen is that the mind jumps in and starts an endless train of thoughts, keeping you stuck.
  • Breathe in between the different stages of the exercise to ensure that you remain calm and balanced.
  • Repeat this exercise multiple times every day or every week to continue getting new insights.
  • You may not get any insights from one of the intelligences, and that’s okay. Don’t force it. Move on and repeat the exercise the next day or later on.

Which one should I follow?

One of the most common questions I get is, “Should I follow my gut, heart, or mind when they are in disagreement?” I invite you to take a holistic approach, thinking of yourself as a whole individual looking at your mind, your gut, and your heart, and combining that information in order to make the best possible decision.

When our mind, gut, and heart are aligned, we feel at ease and confident about our decision. When our mind, gut, and heart are in disagreement, we feel that we are stuck in limbo and constantly second-guessing ourselves.

Managing saboteurs

Managing saboteurs

21 Sep, 2024

What are saboteurs?

Saboteurs are small parts of us, also called limiting beliefs, gremlins, inner critics. They are risk-averse and prefer thata we sit on the side of the river instead of moving forward and facing potential storms. This might keep us safe, but it also keeps us stuck – we make no progress by sitting on the side of the river. 

How do we get rid of saboteurs?

We don’t. They are a natural part of us. Instead, we can learn to identify them more quickly and to better manage them. This decreases their negative impact and the amount of time we spend struggling. 

 

How can you identify your saboteurs?

My preferred way of identifying saboteurs is to do so organically, and then to expand your understanding with an assessment:

The organic way:

Over the week, pay attention to your internal dialogue. Make a note of all self-critical thoughts that run through your head, such as: 

  • You’re not good enough
  • Don’t trust youself so much
  • What will others say?
  • … etc. 

Then personify each of them, giving them a name, image, identifying their tone of voice and energy, noticing when they usually show up and what impact they have on you. You can do this together with your coach during the coaching session, or use the Saboteurs Templates in the Tools section.

The assessment:

The Positive Intelligence (PQ) Saboteurs Assessment is a quick and fun way to identify which saboteurs are most prevalent for you. I prefer to use this as a secondary part of the exploration, so you don’t ‘boxed in.’

How can you tell if a thought is coming from your saboteurs vs your values?

Thoughts which come from values tend to be affirmative, opening up, energy-giving and make you feel big.

Thoughts which come from saboteurs, on the other hand, tend to be negative, closing in, energy-draining and make you feel small. 

Discernment is key for you to differentiate between the two. 

 

The 3 levels of reality

The 3 levels of reality

21 Sep, 2024

The concept of the “three levels of reality” — essence, dreaming, and consensus reality — is most closely associated with Arnold Mindell, a physicist and psychotherapist who founded Process Oriented Psychology (or Process Work). Mindell introduced this framework as part of his work on exploring human consciousness, dreaming, and collective social experiences.

  • Essence reality refers to the deepest level, connected to formless energy, intuition, and a sense of oneness.
  • Dreaming reality represents the symbolic or non-material world, where emotions, metaphors, and images dominate (often connected with our dream experiences and deeper psyche).
  • Consensus reality is the agreed-upon “normal” shared by society, governed by physical laws, social norms, and common perceptions.

 

How to write your life purpose statement

How to write your life purpose statement

21 Sep, 2024

What is life purpose?

Your life purpose is about the impact you want to make and the legacy you want to leave in the world. Whilst you can apply your life purpose to create impact on your own life, it is important to also keep in mind how you are influencing others.  The latter is what makes it truly meaningful.

Like a north star, it is not a destination to arrive at, it is a direction to live your life towards. In this sense, you can be living on purpose right now and still moving towards a fuller version of your life purpose.

 

Format

Use this format to summarize your life purpose statement statement:

I am the __________ (metaphor) that __________ (impact)

 

Examples

I am the lighthouse that guides ships safely to shore.

I am the spark that re-ignites the engine.

I am the thunder that shakes people into reality.

 

Considerations

It is important that your life purpose statement is:

 

  • Both realistic and aspirational – i.e. it describes who you are and the impact you are already making, whilst leaving room for improvement and growth
  • Within your sphere of control – it is about what you can do now and who you choose to be. The impact or influece on others comes as a result of that, rather than you forcing or driving others or making their choices for them. For this to be true, pay attention to the verb you use to describe the impact (ex. ‘makes people better’ vs ‘inspired people to improve’)
  • Applicable to you, as well as towards others. For example, I am the spark that re-ignites my own engine, as well as that of others. I pick myself up every time I am down, I believe in the good and I build resilience. If I am unable to practice my life purpose on my own life, how can I create that impact on others?
What are values?

What are values?

21 Sep, 2024

Your values are the things that you believe are important in the way you live and work. Values are drivers, they motivate you to get out of bed and to do what you do every day. They determine your priorities, and, deep down, they are the measures you use to tell if your life is turning out the way you want it.

Examples

There are many different ways to bring your values to life. The key is to do it in a way that is memorable and easy for you to use.

Below are two real-life examples of how to depict your values.

Vaues board 1
Vaues board 2